Some people consider it impolite to question somebody else’s parentage.
Especially the parentage of a living legend who is now dead.
Film-maker Jim Cousens takes a different attitude:
“The difficult questions must be asked.” thunders Jim, “Especially if those questions give me the opportunity to make an award winning, ground breaking dockamentry film box office smash before the end of the financial year.
There is absolutely no truth to the rumour that my next movie will be called: ‘Hitler’s Love Child: The Hand Of God.’
There is absolutely no truth to this rumour because that particular title just isnt sexy enough to pull in the really big bucks.
The 2 minute movie below tells two initially similar but then diverging stories at once. I predict that many people will find it bewildering. (On top of the fact that some people will find the comic character Jim Cousens offensive. He is in the Archie Bunker/Alf Garnett/Les Patterson tradition. With, perhaps, a touch of Sandy Stone and more than a touch of Don Rickles.)
People who belong to Mensa or are very confident in their intellectual abilities should watch the film in the usual way
For other people I recommend the following three stage method:
A. First, turn the volume to zero and focus on reading the subtitles to get one of the two stories on its own.
B. Second, turn the volume back up and then close your eyes and listen to the other story. (NB the first 12 seconds are silent.)
C. Thirdly, open your eyes and replay it both watching and listening to see if you enjoy this fusion of two stories or not.
For non-Australians, there is a glossary of uniquely Australian terms and names below this film link. Those people not familiar with Australian slang may find it useful to read the glossary first.
GLOSSARY of STRINE
barby ……. a barbecue
bastard ……. both a term of abuse and affection in Australia
be on the blower ……. to be on the telephone; to make a phone call
budgie smugglers …….. extremely brief male swimming costume ……. I recall Tony Abbott becoming famous for wearing these when his chief political opponent was then Prime Minister Kevin Rudd …… Rudd was famous for sentences which lasted as long as other peoples’ paragraphs …… politically his budgie smugglers emphasised Abbott’s masculinity …….. I recall hearing one conservative political commentator say about Abbott, “At last Australia has got a political leader who is not a lesbian in strides.”
Cathy Freeman ……. an aboriginal Olympic athlete whose status in the hearts of Australians is similar to Muhammad Ali in America; she became famous early in her career for controversially running with the aboriginal flag held above her head after a victory when she was representing Australia; she was chosen to light the Olympic flame in Sydney in 2000 and her victory in the 400 meters race at that Olympics was one of the most widely anticipated and joyfully celebrated victories in Australian sporting history.
centrelink application ……. an application for assistance from the federal government of Australia;it commonly takes the form of applying for unemployment benefits; I am not suggesting that former Prime Minister Tony Abbott really is unemployed; its a joke; in reality, he is a very busy and highly respected (by conservatives and by the less rabid of his progressive opponents) public intellectual whom I regard as one of the most brilliantly creative Australian Prime ministers of all time.
esky ……. a portable cooler most often used in warm weather to carry food and drinks
get off the line ……. terminate a telephone conversation
have ’em over ……. accept them as vsitiors
Lizzie ……. an affectionate nickname for Queen Elisabeth the Second or anyone else called Elisabeth.
piss off ……. to go away
prawn ……. shrimp
Sam Kekovich ……. a former Australian Rules football player famous for promoting the consumption of lamb as a “lambassador”
ScoMo ……. the current Australian Prime Minister, Scott Morrison.
Shane Gould …….. an Olympic swimmer who won three gold medals, a silver medal and a bronze at the Munich Olympics at the age of 15, she retired when she was 17, because of the pressures of being a public figure …….. Australia dose not always treat its champions well ……..
strides ……. trousers (see budgie smugglers above for contrast and context)
Strine ……. vernacular Australian English
three word slogan ……. Tony Abbott was famous for his three word slogans such as “Stop The Boats” (a reference to the issue of illegal immigrants/a.k.a. asylum seekers arriving by sea usually from the north ) and “Axe The Tax”……
So despite all of the obscenities, all of the outrageous human rights violations and all of the pious refusals to be decent human beings which have become the bread and butter of modern feminism, Jim extends the hand of friendship to his most bitter enemies and with an open heart offers them the chance to redeem themselves, to rediscover the inner truly good “little woman” in all of them and embrace their ancient calling to serve him and his friends “hot dinners on the table when we want our hot dinners on the table”.
Man about town Jim Cousens explains how the modern emphasis on never saying anything which may be misconstrued as being disrepectful to women, now makes him reluctant to speak his mind in the debate about whether Australia should remain a constitutional monarchy where Queen Elisabeth the second is the head of state or become a republic.
